residence
安住的地方
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總有那麼一個時刻，事情開始轉變。而人們往往將這樣的轉變，與某種洞見——對事物本質的覺察，或一次能讓人從混亂中驚醒的強烈體驗——聯想在一起。這幾乎是所有修行者在初期階段都懷抱的夢想。
各種書籍與方法論的出發點都是善意的，也確實能帶來幫助。然而，世上永遠不會有一套能完全契合你業力處境的方法，也沒有任何教法能隨著你一生的變化而始終適用。
因此，我想在這裡分享的，是那種透過持續與創造性地面對問題而逐漸生起的理解。同時，這或許也是一個契機——讓我們更親近地體驗「改變」本身，去感受它在漸進展開時的真實樣貌。
There is a point where things shift. And people often associate that shift with having an insight into the nature of things, or a powerful experience that wakes one out of their confusion. It’s kind of the dream almost all practitioners have, at least early on. And the books and methodologies are all well intentioned and can be very helpful. But there will never be one that perfectly fits your karmic predicament, one that can conform to all of the changes we go through over a lifetime. And so, what I want to share here is the possibility of a gradual understanding that arises through persistence and creative problem solving. As well, maybe it's also an opportunity to get a little more intimate with how gradual change can feel like as it unfolds.
在先前的文字中，我提到了一個我稱為「邊緣」的概念。這個「邊緣」類似於佛教中的 citta-sankhāra（心行），或艾克哈特・托勒（Eckhart Tolle）所說的「痛苦之身」（pain body）。Citta 指的是「心」，但更具體地說，它指的是在經驗中被事件所觸動、產生反應的那個部分。心並不了解外在世界，它更像是一個對情緒共鳴作出反應的器官。而那種被情緒反應推動、被觸發而動的感覺，稱為 sankhāra（行）。
這個詞試圖描述我們的心理傾向如何製造困擾，並如何支配我們的生命。因此，這些「內在的運動」——那些被情緒牽引的微細變化——就成為了觀察與修練的對象。
In a previous writing I mentioned what I call the edge. The edge is analogous to the citta-sankhara in Buddhism, or the pain body coined by Eckhart Tolle. The Citta is reference to the mind, but more specifically, it refers to the part of experience that is moved by events. The citta doesn’t know the external world, it is like an organ that reacts to emotional resonances. That movement, the sense of being pushed by emotional responses is the sankhara. It tries to describe how our psychological tendencies create difficulty and how they govern our lives. So these movements become the object of study and practice.
當你開始能夠感受到這些情緒的潮汐、身體的感覺以及心理的反應（也就是所謂的「邊緣」）時，你就能漸漸掌握它們的模式。
「邊緣」是一種分界，一個可辨識的特徵，就像河流一樣。當河水穿過大地，它便成為人類生活中不可或缺的一部分。同樣地，當你能領會經驗中這些「邊緣」的意義時，你就能從這些分界點擴展與學習。
當你能在平凡的經驗中停留，並在情緒與心理層面上同時維持對它的覺察與形態，那麼當事物產生變化時——你就在那裡，親身經驗著那個轉變。
When you get the feel for these emotional tides, felt senses and psychological responses (edges) you can begin to get a handle on them as patterns. An edge is where there is some kind of demarkation, a recognizable element, not unlike a river. When a river moves through a landscape it becomes a crucial part of human life. So when you get the gist of edges in experience, you can start to expand and learn from that demarkation point. If you are able to stay with an ordinary experience and maintain the form of it in both an emotional and psychological sense, then when things begin to shift, your awareness is present to receive that.
假設你是有覺察的。你一直專注地修習，對自己的情緒與心理狀態都有明確的感受，也能大體與當下所發生的事共處。此時，你覺得心很清明。
但接下來有一段空檔，你開始感到有些無聊。該做的事情都做完了，心中出現一點躁動，想做點什麼，但又不確定要做什麼。於是你決定看部電影，順便滑滑社群媒體，看看大家最近在做什麼。
Let’s say you are aware. You have been sitting diligently and you feel that you have a good sense of your emotional and psychological state as a felt sense. And you can be with things in a general sense. At this point you feel clear. But now you have some downtime, you sense a feeling of boredom. And you’ve already did the things you planned on doing and now you’re feeling a bit restless. You want to do something, but not sure what. So you decide to watch a movie and go through some of your social media stuff and see what people are up to.
記得嗎？先前當你感受到那份「想要與經驗同在」的意圖時，你同時也維持著那個「邊緣」。那個邊緣像是一種清明的覺察，而那份意圖則是一種根本上不被混亂所蒙蔽的狀態，並伴隨著某種具有意義的行動，使心保持穩定。它既不遲鈍，也不被經驗（念頭與情緒）完全牽動。
你曾經感受過那樣的狀態——有時那個邊緣讓人感到不適，有時又顯得開闊而寬鬆。但無論如何，你都在那裡，與那份覺察同在。即使在公車上、辦公室裡、煮飯時、洗澡時，或在家中做事，你都盡可能保持當下的存在，也避免投入那些容易讓自己迷失的活動——娛樂、戲劇性的情節或刺激的興奮。
但最重要的是，那裡有一份意圖——那份想要與一切共處的意圖。能做到多深並不是最重要的，真正的關鍵在於這份意圖本身。只要它還在，你就盡力維持著那個邊緣。而最重要的，是不要完全放棄這個過程與這份意圖——這才是關鍵所在。只要你持續下去，一切自然會發展。
但現在你在這裡，那個邊緣已經變得遲鈍了。你開始對它產生反應、開始擔心，試圖逃離這種狀態、投入別的事物，或回到從前那個清明的時刻。你能看見那道裂痕正在形成嗎？那個內在的衝突，就是從這裡生起。那麼，你是怎麼走到這裡的呢？
Remember, previously when you felt the intention present to be with the experience, with the edge? That edge is like a sense of clarity and the intention is a fundamental lacking in confusion, along with the arising of a meaningful activity providing stability. It's not dulled down, nor is it being completely moved by the experience (thoughts and emotions). The sense you had, sometimes that edge felt uncomfortable and other times it felt open and spacious. But none the less, you were there with that sense. Even as you were on the bus, at the office, cooking dinner, taking a shower, or doing work around the house, you were present to whatever degree possible, and you avoided activities where you might get lost in entertainment, drama and excitement. But most importantly there was an intention present. And that intention wanted to be with things. It's not as important to what degree you can achieve that goal, it's the very presence of that intention which is the point. And as long as that continued, you maintained the edge to your best ability. But most importantly is to not completely abandon the process, the intention, that's the crucial point. Things will develop if you stick with it.
But now here you are, the edge has become dull. You’re now reacting to it, worrying about it, and trying to find either a way out of it, a way into something else, or a way back to how you once had it so clear. Can you see the formation of a schism and the internal conflict arising out of this? How did you get here?
然後你回想起那段能夠與一切共處的經驗——你曾經停留在經驗的邊緣。你想到：「雖然那時有時會感到不適，情緒與各種擔憂也會不時出現，但我願意與它們同在。我沒有完全被混亂帶走，也沒有對憂慮過度反應。當我感到無聊時，我會主動做一些能讓自己不逃避的事。我感到不安，有時會逃開一點，但那只是舊習慣。我感到喜悅，但沒有過度沉溺，也沒有陷進 YouTube 的黑洞裡。所有的經驗都能自然升起，而我也做得剛好——不讓它們吞沒我。直到有一次，一個經驗欺騙了我，而我開始完全遺忘。」
「正念」（mindfulness）這個字源自傳統佛教的巴利語 sati，意思是「記得」或「不忘失」；而 muṭṭha 則是它的相反詞，意為「遺忘」、「失落」或「偏離」。
And then you remember back to your experience of being with things, remaining on that edge of experience. And you think, "even though that felt uncomfortable at times, and there were a range of emotions and concerns arising, yet I was willing to be with them. I wasn't completely led away by confusion. I wasn’t overly concerned about about the worry. When I felt bored, i initiated an activity that allowed me to not escape. I felt discomfort, and ran away some, but it was just old habit. I felt joy, but and didn't over do it by indulging or falling into a youtube blackhole. All the experiences I had were able to arise and i did enough to not allow them to over take me. That was, until I had one that tricked me and I began to completely fall off the wagon."
The word mindfulness comes from the traditional Buddhist Pali language term “sati”. And this word, in short, means to remember, or not to forget, and muṭṭha, is the Pali term for forgetting, falling off, and going astray.
這正是「記得並活在當下」（sati）的樣貌與感受，同時也說明了「遺忘」（muṭṭha）是如何悄悄滲入的過程。處在邊緣、跌落邊緣、再嘗試回到邊緣，這一切在修行中都極為正常——學習正是這樣發生的。
那麼，轉變是如何出現的？在哪裡能看見轉變的契機？
通常，它出現在「逃避的痛苦」變得比「如實經驗的不適」更加難受的時候。
這有點像商人的心態。商人會用盡各種方法來提高利潤，直到某個市場或做法不再划算。當以某種方式做生意的成本變得更高時，他們就會改變策略，因為他們的目標是賺錢。
同樣地，當活在一個遲鈍、無覺的心中所帶來的痛苦，超過了維持一顆清明覺察之心的那份不適時，洞見就在那一刻生起。轉變也在那裡發生。就像商人會調整做法以順應現實，你也會自然地這麼做——因為那完全說得通。
This is what the sense of what remembering be present looks and feels like (sati), as well as the process of how forgetting (muṭṭha) may slip in. Being on the edge, falling off and trying to get back, is all very normal in practice and this is very much how learning takes place. So how would a shift occur out of this experience? Where might you discover the potential for a shift? It often comes when the pain of escape is clearly more unpleasant than the discomfort of staying with experiencing.
It’s analogous to a business person’s mindset. Business people use whatever means possible to get higher profit margins, until that market or method is no longer lucrative. Once it’s more expensive to do business in a certain way, people just shift, because their goal is to make money.
In the same way, when the pain threshold of living with a dull, unaware mind supersedes that of a sharp aware mind, right there the insight arises. That’s where the shift happens. Just like the business man shifts to stay with what works, you would do just the same, because it makes complete sense.
這種「完全說得通」的狀態，就叫作「理解」。而我們所做的事，往往正是那些對我們來說有道理、看得清楚、真正理解的事。這就是生命中那種自然的、幾乎不被察覺的轉變。
許多時候，當一切變得明白時，它甚至不會被視為什麼「洞見」，因為它顯得那麼平凡、理所當然。當然，也可能會有那種突如其來的「啊，我懂了」的時刻，但真正的穩定，其實存在於那種持續釋放、自然安住的生命狀態之中——那才是真正安住的地方。
This “making complete sense” is called understanding. We see clearly and it fits. This is the natural, organic and seemingly unseen shift in ones life. Often times, when things make sense they don’t even appear as insights because they come through as ordinary. Of course, there can be big "ah ha" moments, but this process of steady release, as a way of being, is where all of the stability lies and that is the place of residence.
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